I feel Sexy, He sees Grannie!

Last weekend, I sauntered off to run a few errands in the neighborhood. I was feeling pretty good about myself – dare I say – sexy in my own skin! As this feeling is a relatively rare occurrence, I relished and luxuriated in it! I felt so good and confident that I decided to leave home – gasp – sans makeup and hair tousled. How utterly liberating and powerful! 

I am walking about, head held high, bust out, huge smile on my face greeting everyone with a hearty hello, the Light inside of me shining more brightly than the July afternoon sun. “Thank you, Lord, for this Moment,” I whispered within. I come across a gentlemen – perhaps mid-thirties (about ten years my junior) – he smiles. I think he is flirting and then I hear him say: “Hi Mommie!” Ooo- kaaay… did I hear him correctly? Yes, I did. While the smile on my face remained in tact, my heart sank- a tangible sign for me to stop and do some inner reflection.

Was I going to allow some one, some thing outside of me steal my Joy and determine my self-view? A definite and defiant NO came over me. Been there and done that for half my life – no more!! I have integrated deep into my being that Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder, it is wholly subjective – no right or wrong, just different perspectives and lenses through which we see our world. This is why I so loved and appreciated the movie 2001 move Shallow Hal – a perfect depiction of perspective vis-à-vis beauty.

My first major crush, at age 17, was with a college sophomore I met when he visited my high school to talk about the university he attended. It was crush at first sight and – while the feminist in me is loathe to admit – may have influenced where I ultimately attended college. My feelings only intensified in college – every time I saw him, my heart literally stopped. Friends began to take notice. One unsympathetic friend gave it to me straight with not a hint of a chaser: “Uh, what do you see in him? I don’t get it! He is tall and lanky with big ears and a funny egg-shaped head. Really G, you can do sooooo much better?” What???!! I was utterly stunned (and may have stopped talking with her for a day or two). Why could she not see what I saw in this man – tall, sexy, handsome, smart, leader of men. My first real lesson that beauty,indeed, is in the eye of the beholder.

Back to the present moment – over twenty years later: So, no, I will not allow anyone to define me. I felt sexy and this man (as I perceived it) saw someone akin to his mother – a-sexual. “It’s okay; it’s all good,” I whispered to my bruised inner child/ego. “We were just presented with yet another opportunity to practice one of don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: take nothing personally.” I held my head higher, smiled ever more broadly and added even more swagger to my step. I am what I say I am: I feel sexy! You go, Girl! Be yoU!

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